A Last Good-bye

Tears Will Never Stain The Streets Of That City

“If I could count all the tears that have fallen, They would seem like an Ocean to me. And if My heart were a window that you could look through, All the pain and scars you would see.

But Tears will never stain the streets of that city. No wreaths of death on my mansion door. Teardrops aren’t welcome beyond the gates of glory Cause the heart will never break anymore.

I’d questioned the loss of a loved one, The grave seems final and cold, Oh, but we’ll meet again, where death has no victory, In a land where we will never grow old.

Well I’ve never met one man without sorrow. Never looked into eyes with no pain. But I know a land where grief is a total stranger, And songs of joy are the only songs they sing.”

At the beginning of February my family and I had gone up to visit my sister and her husband in Canada.  On our last night we played hockey and then went to Brandon’s parents house for dinner. One of the couples from our church group was there as well- Andrew and Carla. When it came time for them to leave I made a point to say goodbye to both of them for two reasons. Number one, I knew that I would be in Guatemala when everyone would be in Canada for our next quarterly church weekend, thus they wouldn’t see me then.  Number two, I had recently become more sensitive to the fact that saying goodbye is important. You just never know when you might not see someone again.  At least, in this life.  

How could I have known that the next time I would see sister Carla would be at her funeral?

Today, barely three short months after that goodbye,  I stood in front of her casket.  Her body was visible, looking very much like Carla, but she was not there! No smile, no movement, no life. Only cold, pale stillness.

Open caskets have always made me shudder, and this was no exception.

It was a nice service and I was glad to be there, but in many ways it was the hardest funeral I’d ever been to.  But it shouldn’t have been.

Unlike most of the other funerals I have attended, this one the deceased was a christian. Carla was born again, washed and made new by the blood of Jesus.  She knew her God and knew where she was going.  In that respect we could all rejoice and praise the Lord, yet losing her pained the hearts of our entire church family.  She was only 56…

The reason it was hard for me was seeing the grief of her husband Andrew.  The two had been inseparable, going everywhere and doing everything together.  They were truly one flesh in all its meaning. The separation tore a part of Andrew away and has caused more pain for him right now than I can imagine.  As he shared at the end of the service, there was hardly a dry eye in the room.

I saw a man whose heart was broken and mine was breaking for him.

As hard as it is for Andrew, he knows his life will go on.  He admitted this himself to all of us today.  He also knows His God, and has a fire and passion for the Lord that has always been an inspiration to me and others.  Carla was undeniably a woman devoted to God, and to her husband.  She was filled with the Holy Spirit and lived her life as an example of service, selflessness and Christ-like love.  And it was all because of Jesus.  I desire to be more like she was, with the qualities she exhibited. Truly she was a Proverbs 31 woman.  A virtuous woman whose price was far above rubies.

Looking back, I’m so glad I said goodbye to Carla that night at Rantas.  Little did I know it would be the last goodbye.

But God knew.

His child Carla is now sleeping in Jesus. Her race is finished; her work on this earth over.  Her life book has permanently closed, yet mine and yours are still open.  Are we living today to please our Maker before our book says “the end”?

We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of  God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38, 39

 

 

Finding Answers

My sister was asking when I would post again, and I told her that I would try to when I got to the Capital before going home. It is difficult to choose what to write about because there is so much, but here is a small taste of one of the things that God did for me. You’ll find this post is quite vague, but I’ve decided to not go into too much detail for various personal reasons.  All the same, it’s a story of God’s faithfulness and grace for a sinner like me.  

Anna, this is for you, because you asked!

 

As I sit here at the mission headquarters in Guatemala I can’t help but spend some time reflecting upon the last 6 weeks of being here in a country I’ve come to love.  I think it’s the people and not so much the scenery that have captured my heart.  I will say though that it is beautiful here and I don’t think I could ever be tired of the misty green mountains, lush jungles and palm trees of the Peten.  It’s so dramatically different from my world in WI so maybe that’s why I’m still amazed at everything.  This sheltered, small town girl has a lot to see yet!

I won’t even bother to create a post that describes my life from the end of February until now.  I’d have to type all day and probably tonight and I’m sure I’d end up boring everyone.  Some things just can’t be put adequately into words.

But I would like to share a small piece of what God has done.  Because He is just so good!

It all began the week before I flew when something happened that created questions and doubts in my heart and mind.  I left home needing answers to questions I’d never needed before.  I was frustrated and grieved inside wondering who would be safe to ask.  I prayed about it of course and that was all I could do.

My first Sunday in El Chal was something I was very excited about.  I had missed singing and listening to preaching in Spanish.  I was also looking forward to the message, as Brother Mark Gingrich was going to be preaching.

Before that Sunday I had been praying specifically for a message that would answer my questions, and that there would be something I could go away with that was just what I needed.  I don’t pray that way very often when it comes to listening to preaching.  I guess I was desperate.

And God wasn’t about to let me down.

Of course, any message will apply to our lives if we are willing and ready to receive it.  I kept this in mind during the message that Sunday, but it was almost over before I suddenly realized what it was that God was speaking to me.  The light came on and I couldn’t help but smile, and laugh at myself for not having realized it sooner.  My Heavenly Father must have been slightly amused by my slowness.

I left that service with a smaller war of doubt and confusion going on in my heart and mind.  And it was only the beginning of God’s answers for me.

Throughout the next few weeks He faithfully completed answering all the questions I’d had, in preaching from those who didn’t have any idea what I was going through, and also from a few trusted confidences who didn’t condemn me for my doubts and wonderings.

After 6 weeks of being away from home I can say I have peace with my answers, and joy in the One who so lovingly corrects and chastens those that are His.

Oh where would I be without Him?