The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:25&26
It’s been two whole years to the day since I first stepped off a big red bus into a little town in the northern jungles of Peten, Guatemala. It was a day that marked the beginning of my life changing forever. There I was with my best friend, entering a world full of unknowns. I was thrilled beyond measure. That trip, starting with my goodbyes at home, then to the airplane flight, and finally the 11 hour bus ride, was a dream come true. And the adventure had just begun.
For the next two months my friend and I were welcomed into a community and church family that we came to love. We learned to see things through the eyes of the culture, which varied vastly from our own. We learned to think differently; to act appropriately during the various situations we encountered. The experience grew both my friend and me in ways we might not have expected. I for sure came home a different person.
Since that first trip to the Peten, I have gone back once for a 6 week visit. It was as enjoyable as the first, perhaps even more so. I learned many more things and grew spiritually. On both trips I gained deeper understanding and insight into the ways of my Heavenly Father.
Despite the highlights of the last two years, I can’t help but reflect back on them and wince a little. Not only did I gain much, but I lost things as well. Loss of things I’d wanted, dreamed of, and even prayed for. Sometimes I feel a bit like a kid who has just watched his bag of marbles spill on the floor, rolling away in 20 different directions. Which ones do you chase after? Should you even try ? Most likely you will never find them all again.
Not too long ago I heard a sad story of a mother sharing about her daughter and son in law, currently being held hostage in Afghanistan. She has not seem them for two years, has never met her two grandchildren. The mother told of how she was sorting through her daughter’s things, and came across a box labeled “my dreams”. The box was empty.
The story broke my heart – from the hurt of the parents aching for their lost family to the daughter’s loss of dreams. I identified quite well with the empty box. I could have easily had one full before that first journey to Guatemala. Now, two years later, my life has been turned upside down and backwards. My box has been emptied.
Ok, that is quite enough morbidness for one day. Now let’s get to the good part of my story.
When I think back on what I’ve gained and what I have lost, I know that the loss wasn’t really a losing as much as it was simply a changing. I may think I’ve lost so much, but in reality I have been set free. Set free of things that hindered my walk with God; loosed from hidden bondage in my heart. If that wasn’t enough, God proceeded to take even what I’d once thought was from Him! I don’t pretend to understand why or even if those things were from God. I just know that they are no longer. But I’m waiting, and watching, and half hoping for the fulfilment of even just one desire. And this is where I come to the hallway analogy.
My life existence is in a hallway right now. There are several doors with signs on them lining the hall, all firmly closed. And here I am waiting and wondering, and looking from one to the next, hoping at least one could open… But it doesn’t. Not even a teeny, tiny bit.
For years I have used the expression “waiting on the Lord” in a way different from what it sounds like. The word “waiting” means to be in the state of staying where one is or delaying action until a certain time or until something else happens. We normally think of waiting as sitting still. I like Josh Harris’ little phrase, “hustle while you wait.” In other words, don’t be idle while you wait for whatever it is your waiting for. Get off your duff and do something. Similarly, I see the waiting on the Lord as serving him, just as a waitress or waiter waits on tables. The martyr Stephen waited on tables. Why shouldn’t we? Not necessarily in the literal, but figuratively. There is so much to be done right where we are to be in service for our King. And we can do it in the hallway, while we wait for the answers and directions we desire.
For all of you who can identify with this hallway analogy, you know and understand that it is not easy. We watch others going through doors we wish were open for us. We wonder what they did to be worthy of the fulfilment of their dreams. We wonder if there is something wrong with us. It hurts. It often doesn’t seem fair. Yet our Heavenly Father asks us not to compare ourselves with others. Your situation is unique to you, and there is always a reason for where you are and where someone else is. Trust God, and trust the process. You are being shaped and refined through the circumstances that you face. You can rest assured that God is good, and He will make your life beautiful as you yield to His will.
I believe a door that we probably all desire to see open some day is the one labeled “marriage”. I’ve known since I was old enough to notice boys, and begin having boy troubles, that one of the hardest things for we girls to wait for is Prince Charming. And I absolutely despise that terminology because prince charming does not exist. He is a figment of imagination; a concocted fairy tale character that doesn’t exist beyond the tales. Guys are human, just like girls. They aren’t perfect nor do they ride from the sunset on a white horse. All the same, what girl doesn’t dream of a handsome, sweet guy coming into their life and loving her for who she is? It’s built into us to desire that and it’s good! But what is a girl to do when her world is full of bozos and not a Boaz in sight? I always get a good laugh from the articles I’ve read about waiting for the right guy. “What if he died as a baby? Or got hit by a car? Or maybe he’s just riding a really slow turtle?” It’s all written in fun as they jokingly come up with solutions for their missing boyfriend. Where could that guy possibly be? Does he even exist?
I laugh at these ridiculous explanations, but believe me I do wonder myself at times. Especially lately as I deal with the frustration of an extended period in the hallway, waiting for a door to open. The truth is, whatever it is we are waiting for, God knows. He will fulfill our good and right desires in His timing and according to His plan.
It is the waiting period that is always the hardest. But for me, as I have gone through the trials of the past two years, the Lord has been showing me how to wait, and even thrive in the hallway.
What am I supposed to do right now during this season?
Number one is to trust God. Does He not know my pain and frustration? Does He not know my fears and anxieties? He most assuredly knows them all and asks me to set everything aside to rest in Him.
Number two is to praise and adore Him. I think I’m getting better at this one. The clamor in my heart and mind ceases when I come before him in praise and thanksgiving. It is not only our duty to praise Jesus, it is a necessity! A verse I love in Lamentations 3 says, “Let us lift up our heart with our hands unto God in the heavens.” (v 41) That essentially means to praise Him! I need to draw from His living fountain day and night in order to walk in joy and peace. The days I struggle the most are usually the ones I missed praising and praying that morning.
Number three is stay busy. (You knew I was going say that.😃) It is a repeated theme through my few blog posts I know, but it works! Hustle while you wait. Help someone, find meaningful work and do it all for the glory of God.
I’m coming to find out that this life of mine in the hallway, in a limbo so to speak, is not really so bad. If I could spend more time praising, praying, and serving and less time bemoaning my lot I’d be better off! I’m getting there, one day at a time, and I hope that any of you who are in this same boat can learn these things too. It’s a daily test in faith. We need Him, and we need His Holy Spirit working in our lives.
We can praise Him in our hallway because He is good, and His mercies endure forever.
Hold on, my heart, in your believing- only the steadfast wins the crown; He who, when stormy winds are heaving, parts with his anchor, will go down; But he who Jesus holds through all, will stand, though heaven and earth shall fall. Hold on! An end will come to sorrow; hope from the dust will conquering rise; The storm foretells a summers morrow; the cross points to Paradise; The Father reigns! So cease all doubt; Hold on, my heart. Hold on, hold out.
Hiding in the Light 